Female required
I thought I'd put off the prison rant for another day, as it seems I've been far to uptight recently.
Instead, I'm going to talk about highchairs.
Not a particularly interesting subject, but one I've recently had to deal with. We decided to buy one for Joe, as his attach-to-the-table seat is a bit small now and he's probably well over the weight limit. We've always liked Saffron's one as it's completely plastic and if it gets dirty you just put it out in the rain and it gets clean again. So we set about trying to find one. She got hers from a charity shop, so it wasn't a simple matter.
After a great deal of internet searching, Ele came across a site that had an email address for the company that makes them. We contacted them:
"Dear kind sirs, we have been searching high and low on this here interwebby thing, looking for one of your fine plastic high-chairs to purchase but have not been able to locate one. Could you please point us in the direction of a convenient retailer, who may be furnish us with this furniture?" we said, or words to that effect.
"Argos. £19.99" came the reply, more or less verbatim.
Not sure how we missed that one, really.
So the next day we whenced to Argos and purchased said item. At about 9pm I sat down to build the thing.
This did not fill me with dread. I am a hardy Ikea veteran. I have built wardrobes single-handledly and bookcases by the dozen. Admittedly, I may swear more than is usual and curse the Swedish swine that devised the stupid thing, but generally I finish very quickly. They are all the same anyway; slot that bit in there, put that funny screw thing in and twist it with an Allen key. Or with the correct attachment on the electric screwdriver if you've got any sense.
So, a plastic high-chair did not faze me. Ten minutes, for a man of my talents and experience, I thought. Then I picked up the instructions. I generally like to give them a brief glance before emitting a knowing scoff and casting them aside. This time I didn't for they read roughly as follows:
1 - Before doing Step 1, please do this small bit.
Step 1 - Assemble rest of chair.
Why there had to be a step before Step 1 I don't know. Why this couldn't have been made Step 1 and Step 1 changed to Step 2 is a mystery. And as for Step 2...
Anyway, I seemed to have some trouble building the damn thing. It required five seperate wobbly bits to all be aligned at exactly the same time and then pushed together, without disturbing the bits you'd already put in.
I grunted and swore for several minutes before claiming this to be an impossible task. At this point I gave up and went outside for a cigarette whilst Ele had a go.
Of course, when I got back in she'd done it. I asked her how she had done it.
"Well, you need to be careful and have patience and not be brash with it." she said.
Honestly, I don't know how a man is supposed to build these things. There should be a warning on the box: "Female required for assembly"
Instead, I'm going to talk about highchairs.
Not a particularly interesting subject, but one I've recently had to deal with. We decided to buy one for Joe, as his attach-to-the-table seat is a bit small now and he's probably well over the weight limit. We've always liked Saffron's one as it's completely plastic and if it gets dirty you just put it out in the rain and it gets clean again. So we set about trying to find one. She got hers from a charity shop, so it wasn't a simple matter.
After a great deal of internet searching, Ele came across a site that had an email address for the company that makes them. We contacted them:
"Dear kind sirs, we have been searching high and low on this here interwebby thing, looking for one of your fine plastic high-chairs to purchase but have not been able to locate one. Could you please point us in the direction of a convenient retailer, who may be furnish us with this furniture?" we said, or words to that effect.
"Argos. £19.99" came the reply, more or less verbatim.
Not sure how we missed that one, really.
So the next day we whenced to Argos and purchased said item. At about 9pm I sat down to build the thing.
This did not fill me with dread. I am a hardy Ikea veteran. I have built wardrobes single-handledly and bookcases by the dozen. Admittedly, I may swear more than is usual and curse the Swedish swine that devised the stupid thing, but generally I finish very quickly. They are all the same anyway; slot that bit in there, put that funny screw thing in and twist it with an Allen key. Or with the correct attachment on the electric screwdriver if you've got any sense.
So, a plastic high-chair did not faze me. Ten minutes, for a man of my talents and experience, I thought. Then I picked up the instructions. I generally like to give them a brief glance before emitting a knowing scoff and casting them aside. This time I didn't for they read roughly as follows:
1 - Before doing Step 1, please do this small bit.
Step 1 - Assemble rest of chair.
Why there had to be a step before Step 1 I don't know. Why this couldn't have been made Step 1 and Step 1 changed to Step 2 is a mystery. And as for Step 2...
Anyway, I seemed to have some trouble building the damn thing. It required five seperate wobbly bits to all be aligned at exactly the same time and then pushed together, without disturbing the bits you'd already put in.
I grunted and swore for several minutes before claiming this to be an impossible task. At this point I gave up and went outside for a cigarette whilst Ele had a go.
Of course, when I got back in she'd done it. I asked her how she had done it.
"Well, you need to be careful and have patience and not be brash with it." she said.
Honestly, I don't know how a man is supposed to build these things. There should be a warning on the box: "Female required for assembly"
posted by Nej at
2:54 pm
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